facebook alien

The musical group Simon and Garfunkel had a song that went something like this:

Time it was
and what a time it was
it was
a time of innocence
a time of confidences
long ago and far away it must be
for I have a photograph
preserve your memories
they're all that's left you...

The facebook phenomenon has got me to think'n, so before you read this post, you better put your hip waders on because this is some pretty deep (insert word of your choice that begins with s).

If we are all sitting in our own private movie theaters watching our own version of how we perceive the world to be, how bizarre it must be to use facebook to connect with people. Here are some observations:

Using facebook sometimes is like being a time traveler from somewhere in the past. You suddenly appear out of the blue and completely freak people out. I am sure it is unsettling and unnerving. You might as well be an alien from another planet. Like a pair of shoes you wore when you were 10 years old, you no longer fit and/or serve any useful purpose as a friend. But we try them on anyway don't we...nope too small.

Our friendships are like a commuter train moving along the tracks. The train stops and picks up and drops off people along the way. It has a destination, but that destination is different for each passenger. Some people miss their stops and fail to get off. Maybe facebook is like that? Maybe some passengers are lost, do not know where they are going, and/or do not want to be found. Can you say blocked?

Friends may be like leaves on a tree. They bud, grow into leaves, serve their purpose, then change color in the autumn of their life and fall to the ground, possibly to be blown away by the wind or raked up, bagged, and thrown out with the trash. One mans trash is another mans treasure. If we are all in our own little worlds, who knows how that is gonna work out?

Sometimes we press the leaves and iron them with wax paper for keep sakes...I think these are what they call high school reunions...

More often than not, friendships that are supposed to be two-way streets end up being one way streets that dead end into a cul-de-sac...seems pretty cynical huh, but when was the last time somebody from your past contacted you totally out of the blue, not on facebook?

The Forearm Forklift

Our story begins nearly 3 years ago when the movers broke our sleep number bed. An oak sleigh bed frame weighs a lot and a sleep number bed system should not be set up by 3 tired guys making minimum wage. Bad combination. Anyway, we of course didn't realize they actually broke it until after we signed the damage release form. Thus, we began our journey into pain and suffering night in and night out.

Oh we tried to fix our bed, but it kept breaking. The beautiful oak sleigh bed frame broke, many times. We gorilla glued it, nailed it, screwed it, well forget it. I even invented a hanging bed frame solution that broke as well. So, a couple of weeks ago, I took the whole thing apart and hauled it down to the basement. Oh, what did we sleep on?

I forgot to mention that someone we used to be friends with dropped off a king size mattress system back in November when I was in Chicago. Just leaned it up against our garage. I came home to a problem a lot bigger than I realized at the time. What are we gonna do with it and how do we move it? My wife and I dragged it inside the house, barely on that November night and it ended up in our dinning room where it had been until yesterday, February 5th. Yup, a king size bed just sitting there in the dinning room. We wrapped Christmas presents on it, slept on it, etc...

My wife and I tried twice to get the king size mattress upstairs, but we were denied. No handles and a 7'x7' blob with the rigidity of sand bags is a lot to ask for 2 people to move up 16 steps. All of our friends already have back problems or used them as excuses so we were in a pickle. We needed a bed. We had a bed. The bed was downstairs. Our bedroom was upstairs. You get the picture.

We needed a tipping point. We got it. Without getting too graphic, our 14 year old Labrador had a little, no a big accident, a bout with violent diarrhea on the bed with us in it the other night. I know too much information and gross. After cleaning up the Slum Dog Millionaire outhouse scene, my wife went upstairs to sleep with our daughter and I got the couch. Did you know that infomercials at 2:00 am can actually benefit you? All of a sudden, there it was, The Forearm Forklift. It was like a prayer had been answered.

The next day I looked on-line and found that Ace Hardware actually carried The Forearm Forklift. Got it half off too. So, all we needed was to try it out. Surprisingly, our daughter wanted to give it a whirl so we strapped her up like an Egyptian slave in The Ten Commandments and off we went to take on the dreaded steps. With all 3 of us, it was game on and that darn thing was going up those stairs whether it liked it or not.

We made it up to the first landing and then the next and then it was in our bedroom and the war was over. We did it.

Last night was the first good nights sleep I have had in months, maybe years. Thank you Forearm Forklift. Thank you, thank you, thank you...