The Forearm Forklift

Our story begins nearly 3 years ago when the movers broke our sleep number bed. An oak sleigh bed frame weighs a lot and a sleep number bed system should not be set up by 3 tired guys making minimum wage. Bad combination. Anyway, we of course didn't realize they actually broke it until after we signed the damage release form. Thus, we began our journey into pain and suffering night in and night out.

Oh we tried to fix our bed, but it kept breaking. The beautiful oak sleigh bed frame broke, many times. We gorilla glued it, nailed it, screwed it, well forget it. I even invented a hanging bed frame solution that broke as well. So, a couple of weeks ago, I took the whole thing apart and hauled it down to the basement. Oh, what did we sleep on?

I forgot to mention that someone we used to be friends with dropped off a king size mattress system back in November when I was in Chicago. Just leaned it up against our garage. I came home to a problem a lot bigger than I realized at the time. What are we gonna do with it and how do we move it? My wife and I dragged it inside the house, barely on that November night and it ended up in our dinning room where it had been until yesterday, February 5th. Yup, a king size bed just sitting there in the dinning room. We wrapped Christmas presents on it, slept on it, etc...

My wife and I tried twice to get the king size mattress upstairs, but we were denied. No handles and a 7'x7' blob with the rigidity of sand bags is a lot to ask for 2 people to move up 16 steps. All of our friends already have back problems or used them as excuses so we were in a pickle. We needed a bed. We had a bed. The bed was downstairs. Our bedroom was upstairs. You get the picture.

We needed a tipping point. We got it. Without getting too graphic, our 14 year old Labrador had a little, no a big accident, a bout with violent diarrhea on the bed with us in it the other night. I know too much information and gross. After cleaning up the Slum Dog Millionaire outhouse scene, my wife went upstairs to sleep with our daughter and I got the couch. Did you know that infomercials at 2:00 am can actually benefit you? All of a sudden, there it was, The Forearm Forklift. It was like a prayer had been answered.

The next day I looked on-line and found that Ace Hardware actually carried The Forearm Forklift. Got it half off too. So, all we needed was to try it out. Surprisingly, our daughter wanted to give it a whirl so we strapped her up like an Egyptian slave in The Ten Commandments and off we went to take on the dreaded steps. With all 3 of us, it was game on and that darn thing was going up those stairs whether it liked it or not.

We made it up to the first landing and then the next and then it was in our bedroom and the war was over. We did it.

Last night was the first good nights sleep I have had in months, maybe years. Thank you Forearm Forklift. Thank you, thank you, thank you...