When he hikes, mountain lions hope to catch a glimpse of HIM. Sunny days are reserved for when HE is on the trail. The ground rises up to meet HIS stride.
He is the most interesting hiker in the world.
“I don’t always hike, but when I do, I prefer to hike in Colorado.”
When asked to write this weekly column about hiking in Colorado, I figured my audience might appreciate the lighter side of journalism, in other words, funny. Funny comes in many shapes and sizes and for the next 6 months, I will try and entertain as well as educate those of you out there looking for some helpful tips on the activity we call hiking.
Hiking is not a sport. You do not compete against anyone. Some people think that it is, but those Type A personalities probably won’t be reading this column anyway. They will be too busy knocking off their 3rd 14er of the weekend by the time the newspaper hits their driveway or rests snuggly in their front bushes. For those of you looking for a little humor and insight, welcome.
We all hopefully learn from our mistakes. As far as hiking is concerned, I have made my fair share. For example, I used to be so excited and eager to go hike some place, I would jump in my Jeep and be on the trail before I knew it. All I would forget to bring along in those days were little things like food and water. It was amazing how long the hike back was when I was dehydrated and weakened by hunger. Those kinds of errors were not just stupid, they were dangerous.
Since then, I have taken several wilderness survival classes and learned just how stupid ignorance can be. If I had gotten into any real trouble back then, nobody would have known where I was or where I had planned to go. I learned that being an island in the world of hiking was not what you wanted to be.
So, for starters, tell someone where you are going to hike and when you plan on being back. Check.
Force yourself to take the time to make that peanut butter and honey sandwich for your lunch. Check.
Bring more water than you think you need. Water good, delirium bad. Check.
If possible, hike with a partner. First, unless they are more trouble than they’re worth, they can help you if some unfortunate accident happens. Second, talking to yourself is a little embarrassing, especially when other hikers hear you answering yourself.
Avoid wearing anything cotton. T-shirts get soaked with exertion perspiration and become refrigerators. And everyone knows that blue jeans are for people to ski in when you are from Texas and not what you want to be caught dead in while hiking.
There is not much of the human condition that I have not made fun of, so if you see me coming down the trail heading in your direction, I would hide if I were you. Maybe pretend nature was calling. But if you do happen to run into me on the trail, say hi, and you might just find yourself reading about that time on the trail in the coming months on a Sunday while drinking your morning coffee.
“Stay thirsty my friends”.
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